Foolish News



Crowe News of a silly sort.....but possibly just as good as the real thing!





SAVING A FISHY LIFE
No Idea
Feb. 30, 2004



Russell says, "He's my mate, and I'm ready to do whatever it takes!"

When Federal wildlife officials discovered that Chummy, one of the dolphin extras in the cast of the recently released movie Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World, was ailing, they knew just what to do. They called Russell Crowe, star of the movie, and renowned among his cast-mates and crew for his generosity and friendliness.

One of the human extras in the cast has let us in on the whole scoop. "Russell spent a lot of his free time swimming in the ocean with Chummy," he told us. Chummy is the leader and alpha male in the dolphin pack seen in several scenes in the movie.

It seems the two became good friends. "I heard Russell say more than once he wished Chummy could come with us when we went boozing," our source said. "I don't know what they found to talk about, but of course Russell's interested in so many different things, it could have been anything." We think it's safe to assume they first struck up acquaintance admiring the females of both species.

Now, Chummy needs help. Pacific Ocean park rangers have told us that the big guy has a kidney disfunction.

Right now, Chummy is undergoing marine dialysis on a regular basis, but that won't be effective forever. "What he really needs," says the veterinarian assigned to his case, "is a transplant."

Russell's ready.

"I've got two good kidneys," he said in a recent phone interview. "If my mate needs one of them, he can have one. I just need to know where and when."

Our source from the film isn't surprised. "Russell would do anything for any of his chums. If Chummy needed both Russell's kidneys, he'd probably get them."





RUSSELL CROWE TIPPED TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT EPIC
Whassup!! In Movies
October 12, 2004


An interview with some up and comers

Independent film makers Amos Ratchet and "Handy" Bob Boosler have come up with the idea for their next big epic picture, sure to be at the head of the line-up next summer.

"It's an old idea, done in a new way," Amos told us. Standing in the middle of a dusty dirt street in the abandoned town of Criminy, Arizona, the mop-topped young producer/director pointed out for us the sites of the major points in the script. "There's where we intend to have Merlin ride into town on an appaloosa mare. There's going to be a lot of symbolism in this movie, so we figured we'd start with that, and hit the viewer with part of the message right away in the beginning. It's going to be so cool."

Merlin? we asked.

"Yeah, we're taking the old tired Arthur-Merlin thing and giving it some pizzazz," Boosler interjected. "We're setting it in the old West. I think Hollywood is ready for a thinking man's Western, don't you?"

Sounds interesting, we said. Merlin the magician rides into town, and meets....the King?

"Naw, there's not gonna be any stupid magic. Merlin's gonna be, like, a kick-ass US marshall, and Arthur's gonna be the stable-boy. And they blow up the evil dude's house. It's gonna be cool."

"Shut up, Ame, you don't know what we're doing. There's no evil dude in that Merlin thing. It's an evil chick. She's actually Arthur's half-breed sister, and she's, like, really mad at anybody that ain't half-breed too. You know, we got a message here."

Uh-huh. So who do you have in mind to star in this block buster?

"Well, of course, we'd really like to have Russell Crowe. We sent him the script, and we're just waiting now for him to come and sign the papers. See, we thought we'd do this time warp thing where Merlin is really Arthur, only from the future, and that way, he could play Merlin and Arthur both, and we'd just do the make-up thing, you know he likes to do that kinda shit."

"Hey, no, Bobby, I thought we were gonna do the Freaky Friday thing."

"Oh, yeah, well, I didn't wanna tell everything, you know, you gotta leave something for the people to see in the theater, but since it's not a secret anymore---yeah, we're gonna do that body-exchange thing, which is gonna be so cool, because they're the same person, only one's old and the other's not, but then they change bodies, so then who's in whose body, except it's the same guy. You know? You could just think about that for hours."

It sounds complicated.

"Not really. Well, yeah, kinda. But when we get Russell here, man, he's gonna kick some ass, and say all the neat shit we got written, and everybody'll come to see it, and it's gonna be great."

Can't argue with that.





INCREASE IN MARINE CRIME WORRIES OFFICIALS
The Grand Island Incisor
Nov. 25, 2003
By Sally Sowicky, staff reporter


Incidences of robbery and other crimes taking place on the water have risen 25% nationwide in the last two weeks. But here in Nebraska, such crimes have experienced an unprecedented 150% increase in the same time period. Capt. Robert Snorkelson, acting head of the Coast Guard in Nebraska, spoke with us from his office on 4414 Anemone Ave. here in Grand Island.

"I've never seen anything like it. We don't have a lot of crime on the water here," he said. "We don't have all that much water. You know, we're not on the coast, so there's no ocean to worry about. Just a few lakes, and some irrigation pits. So any increase is a big one. We picked up a couple of boatloads of college students that were hijacking pleasure boats on Lake McConaughy. And then there was that pair of senior citizens that sank a pontoon this last weekend. That was a nasty business. There were kids aboard that boat. We were just lucky they were all tall enough to walk to the shore. They got cold, though."

The reasons for the crime wave are hard to fathom. We asked Capt. Snorkelson about it.

"At first we couldn't figure it out, either. All the perpetrators we have in custody have watched enough TV to know not to say anything to us, so I thought for a while we'd never know. But then Alice had the idea to take the soda machine privileges away from the college students, and after a couple of days, some of them broke, and told us what we wanted to know.

"All those we have in custody seem to have one thing in common. They all went to see that movie, that Russell Crowe movie where he's a ship's captain and his boat wins a battle with a much bigger boat. One of the children on the pontoon said she heard the senior citizens shout, 'For the prize!' before boarding."

Capt. Snorkelson says he hasn't seen the movie. "I think maybe I better not," he said with a laugh. "I might get ideas. This is kind of a lonely post, you know. When I was first ordered here, I felt like I was being sent to Siberia. But there were two of us then, so I had some company. When the area commander found out about our checkers tournaments, he reassigned Antonio to North Dakota. So now I'm all alone.

"But it's not so bad. You get used to it after a while. It's the price of command, isn't it? The loneliness, I mean."

Does Nebraska really need the Coast Guard? "After recent events, I'd have to say yes. These last two weeks have been the busiest I've had since I was stationed here," Snorkelson said. "I think the post was started because the administration was thinking ahead. They wanted to have a central location and a command structure in place in case the oceans rise. But it looks like there's a need now."

We went to Lydia Waterston, professor of sociology at Doane College, for a look into the minds of those who would attempt such heinous crimes. "It's obvious, isn't it?" she said. "Movies have such an effect on impressionable young people. It's not surprising that a movie that has received so much acclaim would run the risk of being used as a role model for individual behavior. Movie makers really should take more responsibility for what they portray on the screen. If we want a calm, law-abiding society, we must stop glorifying war and death."

Reminded that some of the alleged criminals were not young, she said, "Some people never grow up, do they?"

But isn't this movie showing us a view of history?

"History, schmistory. Who cares about that boring old stuff? What we should be worrying about is the present."

Russell Crowe, the principal actor in the film, portraying Captain J. Aubrey, RN, was asked his view on the rash of recent maritime crime, and his thoughts on the responsibility of the cinema for public behavior recently at a press conference in Sweden. He looked at the reporter for a minute without speaking....then he sighed, and said, "You know, mate, there's idiots everywhere."








Stars in Space

Are there too many already?

Filed by Marti Grahw
Occasional reporter
June 25th, 2010

Reports that Hollywood stars Sam Worthington and Russell Crowe are attending astronaut boot camp are still unconfirmed, but our source in Australia tells us that both Sam and Russell have had haircuts recently. "Every astronaut has to have quite short hair in order to conform to NASA's hygiene requirements for long space flights," the insider down under says. 'It's quite a coup for NASA to get stars as big as these two to suit up - the space program could use a little push in the publicity department, and this should do it."

Crowe has also recently quit smoking, and our source reminds us that smoking is not allowed in space. All spaceships are subject to the clean air laws enacted in recent years, although the concern about second hand smoke among non-smoking space shuttle passengers may not be the only reason for the ban. To gather more information, we spoke with Custis Maybehew, an engineer for CreedCrop Manufacturing in Carnival, Massachusetts who had this to say: "Smoking?? On the shuttle??? Why, you'd blow the fucking thing into a million pieces!" His opinion is, of course, extreme, but safety considerations could certainly account for Crowe's sudden decision to eschew tobacco.

Asked what the two actors could contribute to a mission in space besides raising the space program's profile, a NASA official who asked to remain anonymous said this will help the space program meet the as-yet-unreached goal of gender equity in their programs. The mere rumor of the actors' inclusion has increased the number of female applicants 4-fold. "Not every applicant is qualified," he said, "but our pool of possible astronauts has increased, and that can't hurt."

The man on the street is not so sure. We asked regular citizens in an all-American small town for their opinions on sending Crowe and Worthington into space as celebrity ambassadors to the stars. Here are some of the comments we received: Neither Crowe's or Worthington's representatives could be reached for comment, mainly because they refuse to give us their phone numbers. So we're reporting it anyway.







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